Barriers to Leaving

Women stay in abusive relationships for many reasons. A battered woman may believe: • His violence is temporary. • With loyalty and love, she can make him change. • His promises that it will "never happen again". • It's her responsibility to keep the family together. • There will be more good times. Many women do not want the relationship to end; they want the violence to end. Fear is a major factor. Many women believe their abusers' threats that he will kill her if she leaves him. The percent of female murder victims killed by their intimate partners has remained at about 30 percent since 1976. (Bureau of Justice Special Report: Intimate Partner Violence, May 2000) She may fear: • More severe abuse • Retaliation if he finds her • Destruction of her belongings or home • No one will believe her • Criticism from friends and family • Harm to her job or reputation • Stalking • Charging her with a crime • Harming children, pets, family or friends • His committing suicide • Court or police involvement. At times, women may leave the relationship. She may return when he begs her to come back, or when she can not find the resources to live on her own. She may return because she loves him. The average battered woman leaves 7 to 8 times before permanently leaving a relationship. There are many other reasons women stay in relationships. Some include: Economics • Few job skills • Limited education or work experience • Limited cash • No access to bank account • Fear of poverty. Pressure from community of faith/family • Family expectation to stay in marriage "at any cost" • Family denial of the violence • Family blames her for the violence • Religion may disapprove of divorce • Religious leader may tell her to "stay and pray". Guilt/self doubt • Guilt about failure of the relationship • Guilt about choosing an abuser • Feelings of personal incompetence • Concern about independence • Loneliness. Concern for Children • Abuser may charge her with 'kidnapping' or sue for custody • Abuser may abduct or abuse the children • Questions whether she can care for and support children on her own • Fears losing custody of her children • Believes children need a father. Lack of community support • Unaware of services available to battered women • Lack of adequate child care • Few jobs • Negative experiences with service providers • Lack of affordable housing • Isolated from community services.