Characteristics of an Abuser

• Jealousy • Controlling behavior • Quick involvement • Unrealistic expectations • Isolation of victim • Blames others for his problems • Hypersensitivity • Cruelty to animals or children • "Playful" use of force during sex • Verbal abuse • Rigid sex roles • Jekyll and Hyde type personality • History of past battering • Threats of violence • Breaking or striking objects • Objectification of women • Tight control over finances • Minimization of the violence • Manipulation through guilt • Extreme highs and lows • Expects her to follow his orders • Frightening rage • Use of physical force • Closed mindedness. Men who batter: • minimize the seriousness of their violence • deny the abuse • blame the victim • need to control people and situations • express feelings as anger. Abuse is not caused by mental illness, genetics, alcohol and drugs, out-of-control behavior, anger, stress, behavior of the victim, problems in the relationship. Men often blame their intoxication for the abuse, or use it as an excuse to use violence. Regardless, it is an excuse, not a cause. Taking away the alcohol, does not stop the abuse. The batterer is responsible for every act of abuse he chooses to commit.